Monk In The World

To be a monk is to have time to practice for your transformation and healing. And after that to help with the transformation and healing of other people.

Thich Nhat Hanh

Sunday, June 13, 2010

39 Years of Dating, Fighting, Loving, , Loving, Fighting, Dating

39 years ago today, my wife and I tied the knot. Then we rode off to Newport, Rhode Island and spent the first year and a half of our marriage ending a four year hitch in the United States Navy. 

What a great time that was - Carol King, James Taylor, Neil Young, CSN&Y, and the end of the Vietnam War, a few months after my exit from the Navy.

One thing Scott Peck taught me was, "love is not a feeling, it is commitment". 

Now I'm not going to get too philosophical here. I'm just going to state the facts.

This thing we call marriage is one of the most difficult things we will ever do but one of the most ready made teachers available for growing one up in this life, if one chooses to grow up.

Jackson Brown (or is it Browne) has a line in one of his songs, "I'm a couple years and a couple of changes behind you". 
It would be nice to think that we are just two parallel lines moving out towards infinity and at some point we will intersect. But that doesn't work in math and nor does it work in marriage.

Jackson Brown has it right in my opinion.We truly are never in the same place in our journey towards whatever it is we are to be moving towards. 

It's a push and pull battle in this thing called marriage but if we will learn how to nudge and hold hands lightly, we can keep walking together for a long time.

We need intimacy and we need space, we need to be alike and we need to be different, we need to teach and we need to be teachable, we need to be individuals and we need to be one.

Now trying to put flesh on that skeleton is a life long process. 

So this morning I got up and felt love for my wife of so many years. And tomorrow morning I may get up and not like her for some reason.
But one thing is for sure, on the third day I will still be getting up out of the bed we laid together in the night before.

I'm committed to this woman. And yes, I do love her!

Happy Anniversary Laurie!

bows,
Alan

3 comments:

ABC said...

39 years...what an accomplishment. Thanks so much for being a good example of growing in love and honoring commitment. I am certainly thankful to have y'all as role models as we begin our own journey as husband and wife.
love you.
and CONGRATULATIONS!!

Barry said...

Thank you for this honest depiction of love.

Feelings, of course, come and go, come and go.

But our commitment to relationship can sustain us through the flux of changing feelings. Maybe most of us never knew that love wasn't a feeling. But in the commitment to relationship we can discover something far beyond the coming and going.

Congratulations on your anniversary!

Annotated Margins said...

Congratulations, and well spoken.