Monk In The World

To be a monk is to have time to practice for your transformation and healing. And after that to help with the transformation and healing of other people.

Thich Nhat Hanh

Monday, September 5, 2011

Just This

My son and I spent the last seven or eight days having a discussion about my spiritual path. We do that on occasion and as we have both gotten older, we do it in a reasonable way. There have been times when we both were too defensive, but mostly on my part.
He is 35 years old now and has a child of his own, Sweet Alice, my second granddaughter.
He is a wonderful father and great husband. He is married to a wonderful lady named Anne, my precious daughter-in-law.
I say all that because I mean it.

He has a lot of questions about my "path", genuinely trying to understand what it is that draws me to Zen practice. And I have a very difficult time trying to put all that into words.
But how wonderful this conversation is as compared to who will win the national football championship, albeit, it will probably not be his under grad Alma mater, Vanderbilt.

With his permission, I am offering this quote from all our discussion:

He had stated that I seem frustrated and I asked him if he could be more specific about that observation.
Here is his response:
I thought you might ask this, and it is difficult to pin down specific instances, but I just get a general sense - probably in the last couple of years - that you are more restless, more anxious, more fearful, and less at peace. It seems to manifest itself more in a temperament - I don't think you have allowed it to affect your relationships. We have always felt very very loved and cared for by you - it just seems like you have a battle going on between an internal demon, and that progressively that battle has become more superficial (in the literal sense of the word). Does that make sense?
It could just be my interpretation of what I observe - nevertheless, there it is.

Seems to me his observation is worth digging into.
I have asked him to point it out when he sees it so we can get to the root of this.

My gut is that this is just part of my getting older, having grand children and probably my own death, and my impatience with ignorance about what really matters.

But what a great conversation to have with your son.

Ah, intimacy!
Maybe between the two of us we can actualize the fundamental point.

And become one!

I love you son,
 aka Grampa

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