Monk In The World

To be a monk is to have time to practice for your transformation and healing. And after that to help with the transformation and healing of other people.

Thich Nhat Hanh

Friday, June 22, 2012

Dark Night





Dark Night



I have been working on "mu" with my teacher and reading again Paul Knitter's book Without Buddha I Couldn't Be A Christian.


I'm really in a mysterious place right now.


This place is beginning to feel a little like depression.

I just spent two wonderful weeks at the beach with a very large group of family members (including thirteen children) and felt pretty much alone in the midst of that crowd.
I think I would call it a feeling of “having no place to go”. That is kind of what I am feeling about my “Mu” work. 

It’s also a feeling of just “not belonging”…anywhere.
Another thought (feeling?)…It’s like I have nothing to “work” on…all that is left is to experience.

I don’t mean that in “I have arrived”…I mean there seems to be nothing to reach for…nothing to look for…

Maybe this is the dark night of the soul!

 I’m not worried about. It’s something I am curious about.
I don’t know what it means.

Maybe it means nothing.
Maybe it means everything.

Deep Bows to this mystery,

Alan


2 comments:

Mystic Meandering said...

I love reading your posts. They are a balm. You are so gentle and tender with your process. It helps me keep perspective.

I have had similar experiences as you describe. I once realized there was nothing to to seek for and it bummed me out. And just like you, it was not a feeling of having arrived, just the recognition that there was nothing left to search for... My first *thought* was - if there's nothing to search for then what am *I* going to do!? :) - as I had spent my whole life, up until that point, searching for "the Truth"/enlightenment. And then the depression, which I later realized was a kind of emptying out of all those ego-aspects that had me clinging to the search, all those aspects I had been holding onto under the guise of "seeking" - i.e. the "seeking" is still about the. "me."

My experience has also been that "the Mystery" continues to unfold us. "we" no longer seek, but "the Mystery" continues to unfold us...

Bows of deep Peace to you...

Ever unfolding ~ ~ ~ ~ Christine

Monk in the world said...

Thank you. You brought tears to my eyes.

Bows,

Alan