For me, God doesn't "fix" things.
For me, God is simply present.
For me, God is intimacy.
For sure, God is love.
So when my wife had to be called back for a second mammogram this past week, I didn't find myself praying to God and asking that everything would be alright. Of course I was hoping everything was alright but if it was not, I just wanted the peace and wisdom to walk with my wife and be for her whatever it was she needed me to be.
We both believed that whatever was, was.
And if she had breast cancer we were both going to be afraid, sad
and all the other emotions that come with such a diagnosis.
And then we were going to do our best to walk this journey together.
Why do I say all this?
It was just good to know that
as I sat there in that waiting room by myself for some forty minutes, following my mind to all kinds of scary and crazy places, I never once asked God to fix anything. There was no bargaining with this Mystery.
My life and my wife are no different than all the others who have gone through such ordeals. We are not in some way special. I stuck with what I truly believed about this great Mystery we call God.
The Mystery is.
Maybe that's enough.
Maybe faith is just trusting the life we have is always infused with that mysterious Presence.
"...in whom we live and move and have our being."
My wife was fine.
What was, was.
And as she later posted on her facebook page...
simply, "I am thankful!"
So am I babe!
I love you Laurie.