Just This

Seeing Our Not Seeing

2012-02-17T11:34:00.001Z

James Finley, in The Contemplative Heart, speaks of “enlightened ignorance”. For me it speaks of a grace-full way to see ourselves in the struggle for “being present” with loving attention. A way of attending to our “non-attending” which brings us to the moment. I try to practice this all day, every day, as I intend to attend to this, as Mary Oliver would say, “one wild and precious life” I have been given.

Finley says:

“Becoming aware of how unaware we tend to be of the grace of the present moment, pausing to ponder our tendency not to pause and ponder, we enter into a state of what we might call enlightened ignorance. In unenlightened ignorance we do not know what we do not know. We go from project to project, from concern to concern, rarely, if ever, intentionally pausing to ask what it is that gives enduring value and meaning to our life prior to and beyond all our projects and concerns.”

Give it a go!

Pay attention to your non-attending today. See if you can really "see" .

There is a "coming home" feeling in the experience.

Bows,
Alan

2012-02-14T15:46:00.001Z

Actualizing one out of two-

A life time of work,

For me and you.

But when two become one,

Nirvana, Sunyata!

We’ve only just begun!

Don’t you just love new beginnings?

It’s “just this” anyway.

Happy Valentine Day

Love you Babe!

Being Real

2012-02-04T13:05:00.000Z

We shall not cease from exploration

And the end of all our exploring

Will be to arrive where we started

And know the place for the first time.

~ T. S. Eliot

Every now and then I feel the need to put some kind of qualifier on this blog about my practice and what it is I write here. It's my way of keeping it real, not wanting to appear more than just what I am, this ordinary guy looking for the ordinary mind.

It's about being authentic.

So here I am (the one in the red), ordained in the United Methodist church, actualizing that ordination as a oncology chaplain.

A very lay zen practitioner. I don't even have a group I can practice with but I think I have talked about that on this blog before. I have never sat sesshin but if I live long enough I will.

I continue to do most of this practice in my head with great detriment. But I continue to sit with great faith and great doubt.

My writing on this blog is a huge part of my practice for me. It helps me clarify my life experiences and I think in some way continues to birth me into the authentic person I want to be.

So here I am. Just this. Just me. Just living and letting go, living and letting go, living and letting go.

So there.

Now I feel better.

Bows,

Alan

A Koan For Life

2012-02-03T10:56:00.001Z

I'm reading ZEN QUESTIONS. I came across a quote by Dogen, translated by Gary Snyder from the Mountains and Water Sutra.

When I read this quote it just kind of stopped me in my tracks.

I felt like I had found my life's koan.

Now I will have to chew on this awhile as see if it actually becomes part of my body and mind.

THE PATH OF WATER IS NOT NOTICED BY WATER BUT IS REALIZED BY WATER - DOGEN

2012-02-01T10:48:00.001Z

May his day go well!

Bows to our shadow side!

Alan

Worthy Of A Post Here

2012-01-29T13:41:00.000Z

He has a new album coming out January 31.

"Old Ideas"

Showing Up

2012-01-28T13:43:00.000Z

I spent eight hours yesterday sitting on a board certification committee for the Association of Professional Chaplains. We interviewed four candidates for certification.

This is exhausting work for the committee as well as the candidates.

Listening to someones story, listening to someones journey, really listening requires deep attention and a lot of patience, waiting for the real person to show up.

When they finally do show up, you realize that there are not two but one. You realize they are you and you are them.

Maybe it's a moment of actualizing the fundamental point.

And so it is with zazen.

It is a lot of waiting, observing, listening...

Waiting for the real person to show up!

Or is it waiting for reality to show up?

I don't know. I just keep sitting!

Showing up!

Bows,

Alan

2012-01-20T17:09:00.002Z

~~Thanks~~

2012-01-20T13:38:00.001Z

(thanks to bambooplum.blogspot.com)
Each of us individually and all of us together, beings seen and unseen, beings human and otherwise, are all completely a subset of the myriad things, of reality arising right now. Our practice is actually to wake up to our delusions. We sit upright and present, settling down into our inner dignity, and when we do that we see delusions everywhere. We see our habits of attachment and of grasping. We see our conditioned patters of reaction. We see our fear and sadness and all of the aspects of our life in which we feel damaged or hurt. We see our own patterns of creating more difficulty for ourselves and for others. This all takes a while. To see delusion and enlightenment is easy. That can happen any time. But then to actually bring this fully into our life is the endless practice of studying ourselves, just being there as ourselves. Buddhas are greatly enlightened and awakened to their delusions. This is our practice.

Page 69 ZEN QESTIONS, Zazen, Dogen, and the Spirit of Creative Iquiry
by Taigen Dan Leighton

True Self/False Self?
Dark/Light?
The whole package?
Being authentic?

Being aware and the really being there as this aware person?

bows,
Alan

2012-01-14T14:10:00.001Z

Unchained Melody and Zazen

I recently sent the below email to the person I consider my “in the flesh” teacher :

I have spent the last maybe month and a half reading some contemplative understandings about Christianity. One in particular that spoke to my journey was Without Buddha I Could Not Be A Christian. I was able to resonate with his (Paul Knitter) journey quite well.

But I'm beginning to see all my reading and all my seeking is nothing more than me asking the question, "Does a dog have Buddha nature?".

In the Christian context my question would be

"Is God a personal Being?"

In my zazen this morning I formulated this story:

A disciple came to Jesus and asked him, "Is God a personal being?" Jesus said, "Take a deep breath!"

Later in my zazen I realized that MU is the proper response to all my questions.

That seems to pretty much strip it down to just go and sit! What a great practice!

(I did not mention to him in this email that I also found myself singing “Unchained Melody” in my mind during this same session of zazen.)

Go figure!
Alan

2012-01-08T16:25:00.001Z

I have taken a month away from this blog.

I think it's useless to write here when you really have nothing to say and I have had nothing to say for about four weeks now.

Have I been thinking? Oh yes! Have I been reading? Oh yes!

Have I been loving on my family? Oh Yes!

Reading the above right now.

I think Parker Palmer is a significant thinker in our world right now.

This piece just touched me this morning. I can resonate with it profoundly since my son and daughter have both blessed me with two wonderful granddaughters in the last year and a half.

In his chapter titled Exploration in True Self he writes:

When my first grandchild was born, I saw something in her that I had missed in my own children some twenty-five years earlier, when I was too young and self-absorbed to see anyone, including myself, very well. What I saw as clear and simple: my granddaughter arrived on earth as THIS kind of person, rather than THAT, OR THAT , OR THAT.

...In my granddaughter I actually observed something I could once take only on faith: we are born with a seed of selfhood that contains the spiritual DNA of our uniqueness---an encoded birthright knowledge of who we are, why we are here, and how we are related to others.

We may abandon that knowledge as the years go by, but it never abandons us. I find it fascinating that the very old, who often forget a great deal, may recover vivid memories of childhood, of that time in their lives when they were most like themselves. They are brought back to their birthright nature by the abiding core of selfhood they carry within----a core made more visible, perhaps, by the way aging can strip away whatever is not truly us.

Philosophers haggle about what to call this core of our humanity, but I am no stickler for precision. Thomas Merton called it rue self. Buddhist call it original nature...Quakers call it the inner teacher or the inner light. Hasidic Jews call it a spark of the divine. Humanists call it identity and integrity.

..."Nobody knows what the soul is,"says Mary Oliver, "it comes and goes,/like the wind over the water." But just as we can name the functions of the wind, so we can name some of the functions of the soul without presuming to penetrate its mystery:

*The soul wants to keep us rooted in the ground of our own being, resisting the tendency of other faculties, like the intellect and ego, to uproot us from who we are.

*The soul wants to keep us connected to the community in which we find life, for it understands that relationships are necessary if we are to thrive.

*The soul wants to tell us the truth about ourselves, our world, and the relation between the two, whether that truth is easy or hard to hear.

*The soul wants to give us life and wants us to pass that gift along, to become life-givers in a world that deals too much death.

My question:
Are "mu" and the "soul" the same thing?

Sheds a whole new light on saying "no" to a toddler!

Bows,

Alan

Beauty In The Back Yard

2011-12-11T15:42:00.001Z

All this tree does every year is just be what it is in each season of it's life.
What can we learn from this tree?

Bows to the tree dharma!

Alan

2011-12-03T11:50:00.001Z

My practice has been different the past two weeks. There was a time when I would tell you that I have faltered these past two weeks, but to me anymore practice is to live, to live is to practice. How I live and practice changes at times.

Mostly these past two weeks I have been doing a lot of reading and a lot of thinking, more than sitting.

That has been the form of my practice.

I am amazed sometimes how I have been able to keep up the form of this practice. I have no sitting group, I have no one in this town to sit and have a cup of tea (actually I prefer a good Pikes Place Coffee, tea just sounds zenny) with and share our thoughts about our practice. It's just me, the cyber world of Zen and my occasional contact with someone whom I consider my teacher, via the net.

I am a monk in the world.

So when my practice takes up a different form, I'm not too hard on myself. Just this. This is my practice.

It is form and formlessness, is it not?

So to say "this is my practice" would be to say that
"this is not my practice". And would that not be wrong?

What is before me is my practice and if my mind is one pointed maybe there is the possibility of recognizing my true nature.

Conveying oneself toward all things tocarry out practice/verification is delusion. All things coming and carrying out practice/verification through theself is realization.

Genjokoan (Dogen)

I say all this to say:

This morning I was reading "MU" again for the "who knows how many times" and the word that caught me was the simple word "have".

" does a dog "have" buddha nature?"

Is it about "having" or is it about "being"?

Those are my thoughts today.

MU!

Monk In The World,

(from monos; single, alone)

Alan

ONLY FINGERS POINTING

2011-11-25T12:37:00.001Z

This is a tricky post.

Probably several ways to challenge this but I'm going to say it anyway.

All the Buddhisms, All the "isms", all the Catholics, Lutherans, Methodist, Baptists...all "ics", "ans" and "ists" are nothing more than fingers pointing at the moon.

No, I don't think that is a relativistic statement. At least what some would call Truth Relativism.

Relativism:

The doctrine that knowledge, truth and morality exist in relation to culture, society or historical context and are not absolute.

Webster's

The term often refers to truth relativism, which is the doctrinethat there are no absolute truths, i.e., that truth isalways relative to some particular frame of reference, such as a language or aculture.
Wikipedia

I am saying there is an Absolute. I believe we can know It through experience. I believe we can try to put It into words but when we do we limit it.

I am saying this is why I can sit zazen and read Richard Rohr's book Hope Against Darkeness and embrace much of what he has to say with great pleasure, while at the same work on dropping body and mind.

I am saying I have faith!

I am also saying, "Read this book, it is significant!"

Bows,
Alan

Continued...Bows and Thanksgiving

2011-11-24T13:56:00.001Z

Jesus

Siddharth Gautama

Dogen

St. Francis

Thomas Merton

Thomas Keating

Basil Pennington

Richard Rohr

Marcus Borg

Henri Nouwen

Mary Oliver

Barbara Brown Taylor

Cynthia Bourgeault

Rainer Marie Rilke

T. S. Eliot

Robert Aitken

Charlotte Joko Beck

Edward Espe Brown

Norman Zogetsu Fischer

Bernard Glassman

Joan Halifa

Taigen Dan Leighton

John Daido Loori

Taizan Maezumi

Thich Nhat Hanh

Shunryu Suzuki

Karen Maezen Miller

John Tarrant

Kosho Uchiyama

Bows,

Alan

THANKSGIVING AND BOWS

2011-11-24T10:54:00.001Z

Today I Give Thanks For:

My Arrogance

My Selfishness

My Narcissistic Tendencies

My Wanting to be right

My Vanity

My Prejudices

My Closed mindedness

My Greed

My Lust

My Ignorance

People I don't Like

My Lack of Discipline

My Parents

My Spouse

My Children

My Grandchildren

My Friends

My Enemies

Deep Bows To All My Teachers,

Alan

SHUT UP!!!

2011-11-10T10:39:00.000Z

MUMON'S VERSE

A dog! Buddha nature!
All manifest, actual and alive.
But with the slightest touch of yes and no
Dead your body, lost your soul.

In response to the monk's question, "Does a dog have buddha nature or not?" Joshu's answer, just Mu, is "all manifest, actual and alive." He has presented his mind totally, put out all the cash with no part payments. Here Joshu wields his gleaming sword. Here, if you start making intellectual discriminations like "this and that" even a little, it will slash you in two. It is like being deathly ill. If you start saying "Yes" or "No" even just a little, or start wandering around thinking in dualistic terms, at once you lose your life.

The Book Of Mu: page 42

2011-11-09T09:48:00.002Z

One Reason I Love The Kitchen

How the World Can Be the Way It Is:
An Inquiry for the New Millennium Into Science, Philosophy and Perception

by Steve Hagen
Published 1995, by Quest Books

Excerpt:

Merging with your object

Taken from dharmahfield.org

We must see, when we pick up any object of consciousness, whether it be mental or physical, that the “rest of all that exists”—i.e., Totality, Wholeness—must enter into the picture. As long as we operate with discriminating consciousness and see ourselves only as a fragment—a part of Reality which is divided off and intrinsically separate from everything else—we can know only uncertainty, fear, and the misery of that hollow, empty feeling of utter meaninglessness. It need not be this way for us.

I cannot give you the direct experience of knowing that aspect which remains hidden from our common-sense consciousness. I can, however, give an example that may remind you of this hidden aspect of consciousness as it works in our everyday life. Let me tell you about my mother and lefse. (Lefse, for those of you who don’t know, is a kind of Norwegian pancake or bread made from potatoes, cream, flour, butter and sugar.)

Like all real boundaries, the boundary between my mother and lefse is infinitely complex. I witnessed this complexity years ago as a child, though at the time I did not realize just what it was that I had witnessed. The occasion was when my eldest brother and his wife, newly married and inexperienced in the kitchen, tried to make lefse on their own. Once they had put all the ingredients together, they discovered that they could not work with the dough. When they tried to roll it out it would stick to the board. When they tried to pick it up it would fall apart. They thought they had ruined it and were about to throw it out when, in desperation, they put in a distress call to Mom. I went along to see if I could be of any help. I had a major interest in lefse in those days.

My mother appeared on the scene like a midwife approaching a distraught husband. Rolling up her sleeves and taking a sure command, she went to the huge lump of dough rising from the large mixing bowl in the center of the table. I can still see her as she put her hands upon that mound and in a soft but certain tone she said, “Oh, it’s just about right.” Giving us a nod and a smile, it was clear that this baby would be spared. Quickly she dispatched her orders. It needed just a little more of this, and just another touch of that—and in seconds she was rolling out lefse and frying them up. Lefse appeared one after another, until soon the stacks were piling up under steaming cloths.

My mother’s boundary was intimately connected with that of the lefse. The two merged, while nevertheless remaining separate. In fact, many things came together in that moment—not just my mother and the lefse. The dough had to be there, obviously. And though it was “just about right,” my mother had to be there as well or there would have been no lefse. With my mother came the know-how—which, in turn, revealed that many other, previous and unseen events were also entangled in this happening of my mother making lefse. And within the dough were those who produced the ingredients, and who trucked them to market. Within that dough were entangled the potato plant, and last year’s harvest.

Yet all the while these countless hidden things came together in this event, it was nevertheless quite evident which was my mother and which was the lefse.

There’s nothing mystical about what I’m trying to point to here. It’s not a poetic metaphor or a Zen-like analogy. It’s a simple, concrete example of that “other” aspect which must be accounted for if we would avoid contradictions. It’s an example of someone actually becoming merged in an exchange of identity with her object.

Bows,

Alan

Subtle Actualization?

2011-11-04T12:42:00.000Z

This week when I did my gassho, entering my little homemade zendo, I noticed my breath from my nose on the tips of my fingers. Then I noticed my lips against the sides of my fingers. I immediately felt the intimacy in that. It felt "precious". That was the word that bubbled up in that moment.

All week now I have had the same experience in my bowing.

Bowing while entering, bowing to the altar, bowing to the cushion:

Intimacy, intimacy, intimacy.

Precious moment, precious moment, precious moment.

Bows,

Alan

Mind Road

2011-11-03T08:58:00.000Z

For subtle realization it is of the utmost importance that you cut off the mind road. (Wumen Huikai)

The Book Of Mu, pg.19

Super-imposing/ Contemporary Filters?

2011-10-30T15:47:00.000Z

This is my first painting using "zenbrush" app. The background comes from a drop down menu. Then I superimposed the the rest...

So Dosho,

Maybe I'm not just acoustic.

Bows,

alan

SHUT UP!!

2011-10-30T10:42:00.001Z

So I'm reading again the book of MU. Trying to go very slowly with it on the second read.

I know this is not how I will come to experience MU but I do have "great faith" in that this book will keep pulling me back down on the cushion.

I just started reading it again yesterday.

In the introduction there is this line on page six:

"Don't believe anything you think."

So any concept of MU that I come up with immediately puts me one step away from the experience.

I don't mean "one step" that I am closer,

I mean "one step" that I am as far away from "it" as I can be.

MU is not a thought!

So why don't I shut up and sit down!

Bows,

Alan

Monk Day

2011-10-29T14:12:00.000+01:00

This weekend I am alone. The wife has gone to see the grandchildren and I made the choice to spend a few days like this. The cool mornings have arrived here, finally, so I have declared this a monk day for me. So I will spend this day in quiet cooking, reading, maybe writing, sitting. I will try to make it a day of reflection.

Bows to this wonderful fall season, which always creates pots of soup, cups of coffee and stirs my mind to reflect on the things that really matter, stills my heart and just seems to beckon the monk in me to give birth.

Bows to the season

when the sap begins to fall.

Clear skies, cool mornings

Alan

(a monk in the world)

2011-10-27T23:26:00.000+01:00

A much abridged symptomatology of modern Nihilism would include: disregard and detachment of all values except the immediate satisfaction of narcissistic, individual and herd impulses…atrophy of all notions of relatedness and responsibility to other humans, to animals, plants, the earth…degeneracy of the sense of beauty, truth, goodness, humanness, hence total mistrust of disinterested service…degradation of all fellow beings to the status of Things…progressive debility of all the higher functions by unrelenting and total bedevilment by electronic noise and imagery, media trivia, spectator sports, laugh shows, quizzes, commercials, propaganda for whiskeys, presidents, celebrities, gadgets, space trips…Unavoidable consequences: alienation from self and environment…consumer addiction---identity crisis---existential vacuum---depression---mass psychosis---violence---sexual depravity---drug and alcohol addiction---teenage and all other categories of suicide, including our own collective incubation.Where the Dow replaces the Tao, all of Life becomes desecrated.

From:What Matters:spiritual nourishment for head and heartbyFrederick Franck

Two Roads Diverged...

2011-10-26T10:26:00.000+01:00

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

Robert Frost

The Dow or The Tao...

as suggested by Federick Franck

Bows to our daily efforts to choose the right path!

Bows,

alan

Commentary/Reality

2011-10-23T20:58:00.000+01:00

All of our commentary about our life is just commentary. It isn't our life. We can't do anything else with our life but just live it and be absorbed in it, in the moment that we are living it. After that, the rest is just description after the fact.
Norman Fischer

Maybe David Loy is right, the world is made of stories. For sure history is made of stories.

But I love a good story and a good story teller.

It's important then to have eyes to see and ears to hear.
But seeing and hearing don't really take place until we know for ourselves...not according to someone else's commentary.

And it seems all the old farts say that when we do know, it's probably not a good idea to try and put into words. But then that's how I know the old farts said this. What is there to do?

FINGERING POINTING

PRACTICE

MOON

Maybe Dosho Port over at Wild Fox has something to say about this.

Bows,

Alan

Just This

2011-10-21T09:55:00.000+01:00

Too lazy to be ambitious,
I let the world take care of itself.
Ten days’ worth of rice in my bag;
a bundle of twigs by the fireplace.
Why chatter about delusion and enlightenment?
Listening to the night rain on my roof,
I sit comfortably, with both legs stretched out.

Zen Master Ryokan

Practice of Letting Go And Seeing The Moon and Then Letting Go Of The Moon

2011-10-16T13:54:00.000+01:00

Authentic religion is more about subtraction than addition, more letting go of the false self than any attempt at engineering a true self. You can't create what you already have. Contemplation In Action~ Richard Rohr, Center for Action and Contemplation ~

I remember clearly how much I enjoyed and was ecstatic about my learning opportunities while at Emory University.

I learned so much and wished I had had the time to work on a PhD but that was not to be.

And now I have spent the last 15 years, not necessarily unlearning, but letting go of preconceived ideas about reality, about God, about enlightenment.

Rohr reminds me there is nothing to create, only something to discover.

My practice is to move out of the way, to let go of ideas, conceptions, get rid of the debris (some is debris), to look beyond the finger pointing (all that learning) and

SEE THE MOON.

AND THEN LET GO OF THE MOON!

I GUESS YOU COULD SAY IT IS A COMING BACK TO EARTH.

COMING BACK TO THIS ORDINARY LIFE, THIS ONLY LIFE I HAVE AND THE ONLY LIFE THAT IS: JUST THIS!

BOWS,

ALAN

Spirituality in the Kitchen

2011-10-15T14:12:00.000+01:00

Authentic spirituality is intimately related to firsthand, direct experiencing. It may mature through various disciplines, as for instance structured meditation and verbalized prayer. To live in radical openness to pure experiencing in the kitchen, bedroom, subway, newspaper, that is:to everyday life, inside as well as around oneself may, however, be equivalent of both formal meditation and verbal prayer. It is the finding of one's path without being "bamboozled, confused, sidetracked," at every step.

From What Matters:
spiritual nourishment for head and hear
Frederick Frank

All those pies were cooked on The Big Green Egg!
Brick oven flavored pizza pies!
Now that's spiritual!!!

Alan

Getting Out Of My Head

2011-10-13T09:47:00.000+01:00

"If you can’t show it and can only explain it, it is not yours"

From a talk given by Norman Fischer

Also by Frederick Franck

The illusion that discursive thinking may establish contact with transcendent Reality/Truth was an ingredient of Western culture long before Descartes imagined he was, just because he thought. This is not a plea against thinking, but for another kind of thinking, that "non-thinking thinking" which includes human intuition and feeling.

It is a plea for a logic in which the absolutely relative and the absolutely Absolute do not necessarily clash, nor are even separated, in which it is not "either this or that." but perhaps "both this and that" or "neither this nor that"which approaches the really Real.

When logic follows experience, it is likely to be valid. When experience derives from logic, it is bound to be self-deception: delusional, spurious, false.
(from What Matters: spiritual nourishment for the head and heart)

Happy October,

Alan

Greg Sitting Zazen

2011-10-09T16:35:00.000+01:00

That's my Big Green Egg, affectionately known as "Greg". Now just to look at that baby sitting there like a mountain, you would think nothing is going on but there is a pork butt in there with some apple wood and hickory, all trying to become one.
He looks cool sitting there but the fact is this:

He's cooking between 275 and 285 constantly.

Zazen is like that for me sometimes. I'm just sitting, JUST THIS, and it really doesn't look like anything is going on, but even when I don't realize it, things are cooking and maybe one day all the ingredients will become one.

But the metaphor has been stretched too far.

Nothing has to become, only realized.

Greg has a goal. That sitting is changing something on the inside.

My sitting is just realizing what already is and then actualizing it.

But I will still eat the pork when it is done.

That way Greg's sitting will be actualized~

Bows ,

Alan

Tomas Transtromer

2011-10-08T13:27:00.001+01:00

Found this on the web while looking for some stuff by the Nobel Prize winner in literature: Tomas Transtromer.

Seems to speak to what I just blogged earlier.

THE BOOK BENCH
Loose leafs from the New Yorker Books Department.
OCTOBER 6, 2011MIRACLE SPEECH: THE POETRY OF TOMAS TRANSTRÖMER Posted by Teju Cole

Two truths approach each other. One comes from inside, the other from outside, and where they meet we have a chance to catch sight of ourselves. (From “Preludes”)

Masks

2011-10-08T13:09:00.000+01:00

October also seems to be about Masks.

Is zen practice the unmasking of the self and reality,

And finally seeing the "two" as "one"?

But "seeing" is not enough.

The eye that "sees" also has to be the

"one".

Seeing is believing but "being" is actualizing!

What profound intimacy!

Bows,

Alan

FEAR

2011-10-03T23:59:00.000+01:00

Continuing with our October/Halloween theme:

FEAR

The spiritual journey from beginning to end can be characterized as the overcoming of fear. A whole philosophy and methodology could be developed around this fact. Fear shapes the false-self and fuels its desires. Our preoccupation with fear is the greatest obstacle standing between us and the abundant life we might know.

As Rumi says, much of human life is really agony---disguised and unconscious, perhaps, but nevertheless a low-grade agony prolonged by fears and unfulfilled desires.The human condition is governed by fears.We are afraid of imaginary losses and difficulties that we may never encounter.A nameless undercurrent of fear runs through many of our relationships. One man may fear his neighbor's children; employers may fear the people they have employed; workers may be afraid of their boss; and the boss may be afraid of someone's lawyer , who in turn may be afraid of his son.

Surrounded by our material comforts and lulled by our imagined independence, we are unlikely to realize the extent of the fears that control us. Yet unconsciously we carry unreasonable and imaginary fears that not only wear away at our happiness but also prevent the inflow of spirit. The more our sense of identity and well-being is determined by extrinsic factors, by things that we possess or by what people think of us, the more we are unaware of our own intrinsic worth and the more we are enslaved to the fear of loss.

Taken From:
Living Presence: A Sufi way to Mindfulness and the Essential Self
Kabir Edmund Helminski

Actualizing

2011-10-02T20:03:00.000+01:00

Three hours later on the Big Green Egg.
See the smoke ring!
Actualized!
Or is it realized?
Maybe I need to eat it and see...really see!!

Bows,
Alan

Non-Dual

2011-10-02T19:53:00.000+01:00

This looks a little more saucy than it actually is but do we ever see anything the way it actually is?
May have to eat this to realize it!

In The Pot Before Tomatoes

2011-10-02T19:52:00.000+01:00

For you beginners out there...you don't put the hickory chunks in the chili...
But then are we not all beginners...

October Chili Plus A Sock

2011-10-02T16:23:00.000+01:00

So you already know about overalls and stuff.
Chili is a family favorite during the month of October. An even better offering is to cook this big pot on the Big Green Egg with a couple of hickory chunks to infuse that hickory flavor into the chili.
The sock is just an artistic addition in honor of Halloween...BOO!
I'll be chronicling this preparation as the day goes on...like you had nothing else to do but watch me cook chili on the Big Green Egg...

Still just having fun this weekend...

To be continued...

Bows,

Alaln

OVERALL MONTH

2011-10-01T17:17:00.000+01:00

CONTINUING MY ENCHANTMENT WITH OCTOBER, I HAVE DECIDED TO DECLARE OCTOBER
"OVERALLS" MONTH.
I TOLD MY WIFE I WAS GOING OUT TO BUY ME SOME OVERALLS AND SHE SAID,

"THEY WILL MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE AN OLD MAN."

SHOULD I TELL HER I WILL BE OLD ENOUGH TO DRAW SOCIAL SECURITY IN DECEMBER?
AND DON'T YOUNG MEN WEAR THESE THINGS TOO?

WHEN I GOT HOME SHE STRONGLY RECOMMENDED THAT THEY BE FOR
"AT HOME USE" ONLY.

I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT.

SO GO AND GET YOU SOME OVERALLS FOR OCTOBER...OR MAYBE YOU ALREADY HAVE SOME...NICE!
MAN ARE THEY COMFORTABLE!

SO WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH PRACTICE?

I HAVE NO IDEA BUT I SURE AM HAVING FUN TODAY!

BOWS,
ALAN

OCTOBER

2011-10-01T14:07:00.000+01:00

We had our first cool fall morning on this first day of October. How harmonious of Mother Nature.

We are now entering my most favorite time of the year and it really does impress a peace on me that I can't explain. I am a lover of cold weather and have spent my whole life (except for four years) down here in the south, go figure.

I have these romantic visions of being in a little cabin in the woods, fire burning in the fireplace, sitting on the porch, watching the sun rise as the steam from my hot coffee rises around my face.

Like this one.
Of course, my survival skills are very limited but I guess I could learn.
After my morning coffee I would go and split some wood for about an hour. After that I would go back to the cabin and do some slicing and dicing, preparing a big pot of some kind of good soup or stew.
Back outside to haul the wood back to the cabin.
Next it's time to clean the cabin and straighten up things, check the soup or stew on the stove, add some more firewood.
Now I would make another cup of coffee and just sit on the porch awhile.

Like this one.
Time for a slow walk in the woods now, paying attention to the beauty around me.

Come back to the cabin in about two hours, check on the soup or stew, take another sit on the porch, just observing all that is around in silence.

Anyway, I have rambled.

Bows to October,

Alan

Cooking Mu!

2011-09-18T20:23:00.000+01:00

Over at Wild Fox Zen, Dosho Port is talking about

"... Becoming Mu through Prayer"

Today I'm in the kitchen cooking...trying to bring all these ingredients together to make a nice marinara sauce.

MU!

Alan

Tilling The Field of Our Hearts

2011-09-11T11:28:00.001+01:00

9/11

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,

there is a field. I'll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass,

the world is too full to talk about.

Ideas, language, even the phrase each other

doesn't make any sense.

From Essential Rumi

by Coleman Barks

I offered Rumi's poem to my two granddaughters for reflection this morning on their blogs.

A beautiful image from Rumi but this particular field he speaks of does not just exist "out there" somewhere.

We can't meet each other in that field until we do the work of meeting ourselves and then do the hard work of going beyond that.

We have to work on the fields of our own hearts and minds.

And if we will be persistent and with all that mysterious grace is, maybe we will be able to actualize that field as our very lives.

The work begins here, not there!

Tears for the hatred that exist in this world!

Deep bows,

Alan

Concentrated-Consecrated Life

2011-09-08T23:24:00.000+01:00

CONCENTRATED VS SMALL

Continuing with my conversation with my son, he has raised my awareness about the shape of my life.

One of his questions, in our ongoing discussion was about “community” and my seemingly lack thereof…

His words are:

“If life is about love and relationships, then tell me how your practice has drawn you into better community with others on your journey. I'm not attacking here, I honestly want to know. My observation has been that, rather, it has made you more "alone" (not lonely). I don't think that's who you really are.”

One of my longstanding mantras to my children is:

“Life is about love and relationships. You can have many “things” in this life but if you don’t have those, you don’t have a life.”

So you can see why he would ask the question he has asked.

I don’t have what I would call a large experience of community that is likeminded. But there are regional factors that create that shape of my life,

but he is right, I don’t have an active connection to any other large form of community. But that shape is by choice. I really don’t need that.

So this “alone” shape he sees is by design, for the most part.

This got me to thinking about small vs concentrated.

So is my life small?

No.

My life is concentrated.

This concentrated life gives me the opportunity to be in deeper, more intimate relationship with those who are closest to me.

Could I have a “bigger” life? Could I have a more active life? Sure!

But I don’t have the need for that bigger and more active life.

I like my concentrated life. It allows me to pay attention to what really matters.

And my kids know what that is.

A good friend of mind reminded me that Jesus had a concentrated life when it came to relationships.

I can't wait to break bread again with my family!

Bows,

Alan

Just This

2011-09-05T22:10:00.000+01:00

My son and I spent the last seven or eight days having a discussion about my spiritual path. We do that on occasion and as we have both gotten older, we do it in a reasonable way. There have been times when we both were too defensive, but mostly on my part.

He is 35 years old now and has a child of his own, Sweet Alice, my second granddaughter.

He is a wonderful father and great husband. He is married to a wonderful lady named Anne, my precious daughter-in-law.

I say all that because I mean it.

He has a lot of questions about my "path", genuinely trying to understand what it is that draws me to Zen practice. And I have a very difficult time trying to put all that into words.

But how wonderful this conversation is as compared to who will win the national football championship, albeit, it will probably not be his under grad Alma mater, Vanderbilt.

With his permission, I am offering this quote from all our discussion:

He had stated that I seem frustrated and I asked him if he could be more specific about that observation.

Here is his response:
I thought you might ask this, and it is difficult to pin down specific instances, but I just get a general sense - probably in the last couple of years - that you are more restless, more anxious, more fearful, and less at peace. It seems to manifest itself more in a temperament - I don't think you have allowed it to affect your relationships. We have always felt very very loved and cared for by you - it just seems like you have a battle going on between an internal demon, and that progressively that battle has become more superficial (in the literal sense of the word). Does that make sense?
It could just be my interpretation of what I observe - nevertheless, there it is.

Seems to me his observation is worth digging into.

I have asked him to point it out when he sees it so we can get to the root of this.

My gut is that this is just part of my getting older, having grand children and probably my own death, and my impatience with ignorance about what really matters.

But what a great conversation to have with your son.

Ah, intimacy!

Maybe between the two of us we can actualize the fundamental point.

And become one!

I love you son,

Daddy,

aka Grampa

Gimme Shelter | Playing For Change

2011-09-02T09:39:00.000+01:00

Losing Your Sight

2011-09-01T09:55:00.000+01:00

You see things so differently than the old ones

around you. It ‘s

your unconditioned self, your original face,

original eyes,

experiencing life, just as it really is.

You point to things, seeing.

We go about labeling everything you

point to.

You begin to lose your sight.

At some point those shapes and forms you love

so much won’t be

shapes and forms you are attracted to.

It will be a Christmas cactus.

It will be a green Christmas cactus.

It will be a green Christmas cactus with flowers.

It will be a green Christmas cactus with flowers

that are red.

That will be the time you become blind,

Seeing like the old ones.

Baby and a plant.

Seeing with Caroline’s eyes,

All things become new.

Bows,

Alan

Cool

2011-08-28T13:33:00.000+01:00

These little fellows pop up in my yard every morning. Then when the sun hits they shrivel up. What I have not investigated yet is whether or not the ones that pop up every morning are the same as the ones that shriveled up the day before.

I'll check that out in the morning.

Anyway, a cool little event right before my very eyes.

Neat!

Life!

Alan

Taking The Next Step

2011-08-27T12:20:00.000+01:00

I have spent the last 15 years doing this practice on my own, not by choice but by necessity. I live in the deep south and there are no sitting groups close enough to connect with on a regular basis. About 8 years ago I took the long journey to Mt. Tremper in New York and spent four days sitting with the Mountains and Rivers order. That has been my only first hand exposure to any formal sitting.

Prior to this I did some formal sitting and study in centering prayer.

About three years ago I had the great fortune to encounter Dosho Port online. This has really been my connection. I communicate with him on occasion about different matters and know he is there for however I want to delve into this practice with him via the internet. I am thankful for his compassion in that way.

This is the form of my formlessness.

I am a monk in the world.

I am alone, not lonely.

And this is my practice.

I will continue to nurture this practice the best way that I can with great faith and great doubt.

Sentient beings are numberless,

I vow to save them.

Desires are inexhaustible,

I vow to put an end to them.

The Dharmas are boundless,

I vow to master them.

The Buddha Way is unsurpassable,

I vow to attain it.

Bows,

Alan

Thirsty Texas

2011-08-26T21:42:00.000+01:00

Somebody Give Irene A Call, Please!!

What do you do with Just This?

Bows,

Alan

FLAT

2011-08-20T18:32:00.000+01:00

My practice is flat.

form is no other than emptiness,

Emptiness no other than form;

My practice is flat.

Clinging!!

Adversion!!

My practice is flat.

Desire!

My practice is flat.

My practice is not flat.

My practice is not.

My practice is.

My practice.

My.

Bows,

Alan

Telling One Of My Stories

2011-08-06T15:35:00.002+01:00

When Francis Harwood, an anthropologist, asked a Sioux elder why people tell stories, he answered: “In order to become human beings.” She asked, “Aren’t we human beings already?” He smiled, “Not everyone makes it.”

Laura Sims

(Taken from David Loy’s The World Is Made Of Stories

Some of you know what my vocation is but for those of you who don’t, I’m the chaplain for a private oncology practice. I have been doing healthcare chaplaincy now for twenty-two years. Eighty percent of that time has focused in the area of oncology. Needless to say, I have dealt with a lot of death and a lot of dying.

There are times when I recognize that this has changed me in good ways and there are times when I realize it has changed me in bad ways.

Just this week my wife had to make a return trip after her regularly scheduled mammogram but turns out the radiologist is not concerned but will see her again in six months just to be safe. It also turns out that my wife did not tell me she had to make a return visit until after the visit was over and after she got what seems to be good news. She said she would have been more anxious about it if she had told me because I would have over reacted and run the anxiety meter up significantly, just because of what I do every day.

I hated she did that alone but truly understand what she was saying. She was right!

So that is one of the bad ways that this vocation affects my life. But this is not what I wanted to write about today.

For the past five to seven days I have been dealing with a young person who is presently in the process of dying. I have made contact with the spouse and the rest of the family at least three or four times a day, as they sit vigil, waiting for the inevitable but somehow hoping this “thing” does not take place. I have become really close to the father of this young person, more so than the spouse, probably because the patient is in the same age bracket as one of my children.

Leaving the room yesterday afternoon and heading back over to the office, I realized how perfunctory I felt in my presence at times. It’s true you have to carry somewhat of a professional presentation into these situations but you cannot let the human slip away.

I’m not saying in all this that the folks did not feel me truly caring for them. My presence was and is much appreciated. My recognition of some distancing was an internal thing.

Here again is one of the bad things you may come away with in this work I do when you do it day in and day out. You can shut down. You know all the right words that are helpful and the ones that are harmful. You know when to step in and you know when to step out. But all of this must be done as (what the Native Americans might call) a true human being. And sometimes we lose that way of being because we shut down in a protective way, unaware or we get too caught up in our “roles”. It may feel like true compassion to those who are receiving but if the person offering this is in any way aware, they know there can be a more opening of the heart in these situations. They know the “true human being" is still holding back, sometimes for the right reasons but sometimes for the wrong reasons.

This is where my spiritual practice saved me yesterday.

I stopped myself on the way back to the office, after a visit with the patient and the family. I made myself sit down in a chair in one of the lobby areas and contemplate this situation in a more personal way, realizing that my emotions needed to be expressed. Alan the human being, not Alan the chaplain, needed to be expressed.

So I began to place one of my children in that bed with a tube stuck down their throats, seeing their spouse standing by that bed, just waiting for the unbelievable to happen. I tried as best I could to become the father in this situation. Within seconds the tears flowed and what had been stuck (the true human being) poured out in the form of tears and sobs. I continued to sit there with this practice for about ten minutes.

Bearing witness to these kinds of events also means bearing witness to our own participation in them.

If I don’t pay attention like this, I can also become very needy because I have not taken care of my own stuff.

What does this have to do with zazen?

Everything, I think.

P.S.

I visited the family this morning (8/6/11) as a true human being.

(I'm not sure if I have used the "true human being" within a right context here, so I apologize to my native american friends, if this is so)

Bows,

Alan (working on being human)

ORIGINAL PERSON

2011-08-04T10:28:00.000+01:00

REALIZING GENJOKOAN

THE KEY TO DOGEN'S SHOBOGENZO

BY SHOHAKU OKUMURA

FORWARD BY TAIGEN DAN LEIGHTON

pg. 98

When the Dharma is correctly transmitted to the self, the person is immediately an original person- Dogen

"Original person" is a translation of honbun nin, a reference to the self living in the network of interdependent origination. Hon can be literally translated as original, true, root,or source, bun means part or portion, and nin is person. So this word, which has the same meaning as "original face," refers to a person who is one with the original source that exist before karmic conditioning. This original person is actualized when we sit zazen and let go of thinking. When we open the hand of thought, in a sense we negate everything within our karmic consciousness, even the aspiration to become a Buddha. Thoughts well up even when we let go, but we just keep releasing them without grasping. We are also in a sense accepting anything that springs up from our consciousness; in zazen we neither negate nor affirm anything. We don't control the mind; we just sit. We really do nothing. We just keep sitting upright and waking up, breathing naturally, deeply, and quietly from the abdomen as we let go of thoughts. this is why Dogen says, "zazen is non-doing"; I do nothing. Sitting is no longer my action anymore. The entire universe is sitting, using this body and mind; that's all. In so doing, we put our entire being on the ground of interdependent origination, on the ground of impermanence and lack of independent existence that is the original source. This zazen is itself dropping off body and mind.

BOWS,

Alan

SEAMLESS, NO GAPS CONTINUED

2011-08-01T09:54:00.000+01:00

Reading in The Book Of Mu, chapter by Roko Sherry Chayat, Turn the Light.

Found some words by her that point to this "seamless". She even uses this word later on in her chapter.

She states:

"My teacher has said that there are three essentials of Zen practice: cleaning, chanting, and zazen. Just as the story about polishing the tile points out, most of the time we clean with the idea of getting something. We clean so that we can get through with the job and go on to do something more enjoyable, like taking a walk, or something more important,, like sitting down for the next period of zazen or chanting sutras. And then, of course, we find out that the presumed satisfaction in the projected next thing is lacking; that our absent-minded preoccupied cleaning has carried over to the way we take that walk, the way we sit: lackluster.

When we clean with buddha-cleaning-buddha mind, something very different takes place. With this mind, anything---the sound of the drum at lunchtime, pebble hitting a bamboo stalk in the story about Kyogen raking at the National Teacher's grave site, the sudden glimmer of a rainbow in a puddle at our feet--anything can be the trigger that brings us to the sudden recognition of wordless truth. It's never elsewhere. Then we might rephrase the koan: does a buddha have buddha nature or not? Buddha-cleaning- buddha is Mu, nothing more, nothing less. The Book Of Mu, Pg. 218.

Bows,
Alan

SEAMS, GAPS, INTIMACY

2011-07-30T11:48:00.001+01:00

THERE'S A SEAM IN MY LIFE

WHICH DOES NOT EXIST.

A GAP,

CREATING IN BETWEEN

PLACES,

WHICH DO NOT EXIST.

MY MIND NEEDS SWEEPING

BUT "MY MIND"

IS A GAP,

IS AN IN BETWEEN PLACE.

TO LOSE MY MIND IS FRIGHTENING,

BUT HOW CAN I EVER EXPERIENCE THE ONE?

Bows,
Alan

(inspired by a talk by Daido Roshi)

Why?

2011-07-24T10:47:00.000+01:00

Ignorance begets Evil and Evil begets Suffering

May this Suffering beget Compassion

Monkey mind

2011-07-22T19:00:00.001+01:00

I have spent the last seven days a bit stealth. My wife has been in Atlanta, visiting the granddaughters. So seven days alone in the house. Worked during the day but mornings and evenings alone, no tv, just the sounds of a quiet home. It is amazing how loud your mind is when you are alone. Yes, I talked out loud to myself also. Anyway, it was like my mind had a bright light shining on it. A great training week!

This is by no means my first time to spend a week alone in silence but for some reason the mind thing was most prevalent.

"this mind is Buddha"

Well, no!

Monkey?

Well, just give me a banana!

Alan

Wasting Time

2011-07-14T18:28:00.002+01:00

I have a friend who brings me poetry to be read out loud.

This friend thinks that it is wasting my time.

The friend asks,"How many people do you think sit around like this wasting time?"

I said to my friend, "I hope a lot."

Bows To My Friend,

Alan

Simple, Devout - Intimate

2011-07-09T22:33:00.000+01:00

The Mary Oliver book I am reading right now begins chapter eight (Sand Dabs) with this:

"The sharp-edged, glittering tens, the hours with locks on them; the hard twenties; the easing thirties;, the fretful forties;, the fifties, occasional hours of hope and promise, holding on. Now sixties.And I would like to be simple and devout, like the oak tree.And to tell the truth, sometimes I would like to be able to bark like a dog, to whistle like the meadowlark, to play a little banjo, like the frog in the summer pond.

Some of these words I think are too personal for me to grasp but the little line that speaks to my life is:

"Now sixties. And I would like to be simple and devout, like the oak tree.

"Especially "devout".

Defined on the www the following way:

Having or showing deep religious feeling or commitment

she was a devout Catholic, a rabbi's devout prayers

(from the www)

I like the idea of "deep...feelings"

but I would want to translate "devout" as intimate.

So for me it would be "deep intimate feelings..."

For sure, life is becoming more intimate for me;

So here is my rewrite on that sentence of Oliver's

Now sixties.

And I would like to be simple and intimate, like the oak tree.

I'm not sure how the oak tree is intimate but the oak tree probably understands what I mean.

As I think about it, maybe it is related to being more rooted, more grounded...to the things that matter.

Oh well, bows to the oak tree, simplicity and intimacy!

Alan

Paying Attention

2011-07-01T10:22:00.001+01:00

(Posted at yourgrandpa.blogspot.com)

Dear Caroline,
That's a picture of you and your grandmother (Lala), doing what you two love to do together, looking at flowers, walking around outside, observing nature.

I guess this is "Mary Oliver" week. Look her up. She's a wonderful poet.

Anyway, yesterday I was talking to a friend about the spiritual life and how complicated we make it sometimes.

( And by the way, the spiritual life is not something separate from this life. It is not something you do
and then go back to living an "ordinary" life. It is life!)
OK, back to my point.

My friend and I were discussing her spiritual practice. What was it? How should it be? How can one make time for it?
Well, I referred her again to the poem by Mary Oliver called "THE SUMMER DAY"...in that poem it states "...I don't know what a prayer is but I do know how to pay attention..."

I suggested to her that she just simply "pay attention", that was enough.

It's so important to just "pay attention", right now, this moment, this breath, paying attention to all the small wonders around us.

Again, back to the point of this little story.

Yesterday I watched your grandmother sitting with you outside in the grass, just sitting with you and letting you enjoy the warm sun, scratchy grass...her sitting there paying attention to you and you sitting there with all the wonder of an eight month old, feeling grass, looking for the birds, feeling the breeze...just paying attention.

What a wonderful prayer you two are together when you go outside and just pay attention.

What else was there for you two to do?!

AMEN,

Grampa

And Then There Was Rumi

2011-06-30T00:19:00.000+01:00

Only Breath

Not Christian or Jew or Muslim, not Hindu

Buddhist, sufi, or zen. Not any religion

or cultural system. I am not from the East

or the West, not out of the ocean or up

from the ground, not natural or ethereal, not

composed of elements at all. I do not exist,

am not an entity in this world or in the next,

did not descend from Adam and Eve or any

origin story. My place is placeless, a trace

of the traceless. Neither body or soul.

I belong to the beloved, have seen the two

worlds as one and that one call to and know,

first, last, outer, inner, only that

breath breathing human being.

Thoughts on the "Shedding" thoughts posted earlier...

2011-06-27T11:41:00.000+01:00

I know we have to have some identity to function in this life, in this world, but the more I dig into this practice, the more I just simply want to be human. And being TRULY human probably takes a life time.

A tree does not have to work on being a tree but we do seem to have to work on being human.

Because of my ordination, I have all kinds of assumptions made about me.

I try my best to let people know titles truly are not important. They limit who we are based on our particular cultural orientation and that cultures understanding of that title.

It seems more real to say, "Hi, I'm working on being human, but you can call me Alan."

I don't mean I want to become faceless, odorless, vaporized or anything like that.

I just want to get to the core of what "this" is.

Even "Alan" creates certain assumptions from those who live close to my life.

Shedding, Shedding...

Looking for that "true nature"

Bows,

Trying to be human

HOOKED

2011-06-25T14:52:00.000+01:00

I copied the following from Wild Fox Zen by Joko Beck:

" ...everything in our life will continue to take place – the problems, the emotional difficulties, the pleasant days, the ups and downs, which are what human life consists of – but it is the ability not to get caught – to enjoy what is happening when it is “good”, to have equanimity when it is “bad” and to observe it all, which is the continuing work. The mark of maturing practice is simply the ability, more and more and more, to notice what is going on and not be caught by it. Easy to talk about, but probably 15 to 20 years of hard practice are needed before we are like that a good bit of the time."

One of the benefits of zazen seems to be what I like to call this "witness" that is born out of regular practice.
This seems to be a tool to help us not get hooked, not get "caught", as she says.

It has the image of that place where no one else is sitting. A place where there is a stepping back in order to see more clearly.

It is noticing!

How about "The Noticing Witness"?

Just a thought.

Alan

Not Knowing Really Is Most Intimate

2011-06-24T12:54:00.000+01:00

Disclaimer:
Today I have rambled quite a bit here. Not sure what this is about but these are the thoughts and words that bubbled up for me this morning.

If I, me, mine do not dissolve,

I, me, mine are always

separating what is one
into two.
Ignorance.

I still don't know this. I can only write about it and believe it is so.

I wonder if he knew this?

Was this "oneness" actualized when "the word became flesh"?

He says, "If you have seen me, you have seen the Father."

He says, "I and the Father are one."

Was he not a Bodhisattva?

Was he not a finger pointing to the moon?

But at the same time was he not actualizing that moon in his life?

And throughout history, that moon has been called many things.

But let's not name it.

Then it's not mine and it's not yours.

IT just is.

Not knowing is most intimate.

Shedding!

Shedding names,

concepts

and just breathing,

Just This,

What Freedom!

What intimacy!

A constant practice!

Day in and day out.

Right before us in everything we do.

Please let us remember,

Not knowing is not the same as ignorance.

Not knowing is being open to what is.

Bows,
Alan

Realize, Actualize

2011-06-22T16:02:00.002+01:00

“…there is never anything to attain, only something to realize and actualize.”

Got this little tid-bit from David Loy’s book, The World Is Made Of Stories. I won't go into the context of which it is said because I have seen this statement over and over again in some form or fashion in my readings. It just seemed to be a pebble falling onto the bamboo shoot for me this morning, making a very noticeable noise, again.

What “is”, is given. Don’t ask me from whence it comes. I don’t know.

No need to run off looking for “it”.

The question then is how does one realize and actualize “it”?

Maybe there is no question.

Maybe I just “MU”!

There is work to be done.

And the work is just this, done with great intention, great mindfulness…

Ah intimacy!

This wonderful life!

I am grateful!

Bows,

Alan

LOVE, INTIMACY, TWO BECOMING ONE, INCARNATE

2011-06-19T23:26:00.001+01:00

Last night my daughter and her husband and my oldest granddaughter, as well as myself and my wife were over at my son's house celebrating each of the young men's first Father's day.

My son and his wife had our second granddaughter just 19 days ago.

The evening got late for my Sweet Caroline (6:30). She was beginning to act sleepy. I wanted to take her but my daughter said, "I got her, she's tired."

My daughter knows what her daughter needs.

This knowing comes from the deep intimate relationship she and Caroline have.

And this picture is an incarnation of that relationship.

This picture is incarnation of intimacy.

This picture is the holy, standing right before me as I snapped a quick shot of mother and daughter.

This picture is the two being one.

This picture is my granddaughter, fast asleep in my precious daughter's arms.

This picture burst my heart wide open.

DEEP BOWS TO HER KNOWING,

ALAN

Everything Belongs

2011-06-18T12:34:00.001+01:00

"What is saving my life now is the conviction that there is no spiritual treasure to be found apart from the bodily experiences of human life on earth. My life depends on engaging the most ordinary physical activities with the most exquisite attention I can give them. My life depends on ignoring all touted distinctions between the secular and the sacred, the physical and the spiritual, the body and the soul. What is saving my life now is becoming more fully human, trusting that there is no way to God {INTIMACY} (MY WORD) apart from real life in the real world."From:An Alter in the Worldby Barbara Brown Taylor

I came across the above quote from here: http://spiritualityandpractice.com/ I highly recommend the site. Universal offerings on spiritual practice.

I was struck immediately by the succinct way she summed up my own spiritual journey and how she has described for me, in that short little paragraph, what my zen practice has opened up for me.

I insert the word "intimacy" for God because "God" for me anymore is more of an experience than some "thing or person" I want to conceptualize.

Taylor points to this intimate experience when she says:

My life depends on engaging the most ordinary physical activities with the most exquisite attention I can give them.

What a beautiful way to translate mindfulness: "Exquisite attention".

This practice is like a magnet that constantly draws all my metal back to the center, back to where I am right now, this moment, just this, trying to practice "exquisite attention" to what is before me.

"There is no way to God (INTIMACY) apart from real life in the real world."

As Richard Rohr has said,

EVERYTHING BELONGS!

POLITICS AND POWER

2011-06-15T00:17:00.001+01:00

I noticed this week that there were some presidential debates going on somewhere with about six or seven would be, hopeful republican candidates.

I did not listen to the debates. I have lost interest in politics.

I don't have the time to go into all the reasons but may I suggest one word?

POWER

So I thought it would be a good time to offer this little piece from the book I am now reading for the second time by David Loy

Take what you will from this:

This particular section is talking about "Power or desire for power"

"...craving for power reveals a defect in the soul'

The devil took Jesus to the summit of a mountain and tempted him with all the world's kingdoms. "I will give you authority over all these things, if you will worship me." Jesus responded: "It is written: worship only the Lord your God, and serve only Him." Worship power and all power will be given to you-and you will end up serving power. Jesus will serve only God.

If the devil is power, what is God?

Augustine says: You must be emptied of that with which you are full, so you may be filled with that whereof you are empty.

A sage told Siddhartha's father that his son would become either a world-conquering king or a world-renouncing buddha. His father did everything possible to insulate him from awareness of illness, old age, and death-and when Siddhartha eventually encountered them he was so shocked that he renounced his patrimony and disappeared into the forest. According to this legend he too rejected the worldly power that was offered to him. Both Jesus and the Buddha established communities that were physically powerless and dependent upon the good will of others.

The Sangha founded by Shakyamuni was originally a motley crew of wandering mendicants, with few possessions except robes and sharing bowls. The Buddha sent them out in all directions to preach the Dharma "for the good, for the benefit of many."

Jesus charged his apostles to go out and preach that "the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand." "Take nothing for your journey, no staff, nor bag, nor bread, nor money, and do not have two tunics." The Sermon on the Mount tells us not to lay up treasures on earth. "Do not be anxious about your life, what you shall eat or drink, nor about your body, what you shall put on...Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, and yet your heavenly Father takes care of them."

What were both saying? Let go of your fears about yourself: just do your best spreading the word and have faith that you will be taken care of. Open up and focus on giving to the world rather than taking from it, trusting in it rather than trying to protect yourself from it.

Their teaching offers an alternative to power-over-others. Jesus and the Buddha lived in ways that challenged the conventional stories of their times and challenge just as much the dominant stories of our times. Despite hypocritical deference--the homage that other stories pay to this one---this message has had limited success. Yet it persists, with the potential to transform the world."

David Loy

TWO REASONS AND A TWO SIDED COIN

2011-06-12T12:58:00.002+01:00

Up above are Alice on the left (12 days old) and Caroline on the right (eight months), my granddaughters.

Two Reasons to practice!

I have been blogging to each of them since before they were born, sharing things about life, love and relationships and my own personal experiences with them.

They have expanded my heart in ways I could have never imagined but there is another side to this coin.

Not long after Caroline was born I discovered the two sided coin of grand parenting.

The joy of receiving and the fear of losing.

Nothing happened to create this except the fact of my own awareness of the fragility of life.

Dukkha exponentially entered my life.

Clinging, grasping,wanting to protect, wanting to control.

What great teachers these two little people are.

One heart expanded,
Love's precious gift to Grampa.
One heart contracted

Hands together,
Alan

SHEDDING

2011-06-09T13:58:00.000+01:00

I'm cautious anymore when it comes to writing about something I "sense" somewhere inside of me. It can seem a little too "feeling" and in some ways too sentimental.

I have been at the beach all week with family and have had a lot of down time. That too can cause me to think I am sensing something that isn't even there.

Having your first two grandchildren in the last eight months may have something to do with all this also.

Anyway, one of the ways I work through these things is to write about them. So I will write.

The word that has bubbled up for me is "shedding"...

I've never thought of "shedding" in spiritual terms. Usual the phrase "letting go" seems more appropriate.

But as I think about it, shedding seems more intimate, letting go seems more external.

So I'm thinking there is some shedding going on and I have no idea what that means.

I will say that the sense of it is calming and peaceful.

I'll just stop here. If I keep going with this now it will just be me trying to create something that does not exist.

Alan

THE MYRIAD THINGS

2011-06-08T11:55:00.000+01:00

In the above picture are some of my great nephews and nieces, their great grandmother and my wife's oldest sister.

This was a shot just before the other adults sat down to our meal.

This picture is a wonderful reminder of impermanence.

Notice how my wife's sister is kind of fading away, and there's the great grandmother who started this crowd, and here is the next generation sitting by themselves, not realizing that someday, if all goes as planned (ha, ha), they truly will be sitting at the table all by themselves.

I actually stopped all the noise and clatter in this moment and invited everyone to take notice, without all the detail, of course!

It was a precious moment for me and a precious reminder!

To carry yourself forward and experience myriad things is delusion. That myriad things come forth and experience themselves is awakening.

BOWS,

Alan

Sorry!

2011-06-04T12:29:00.000+01:00

Forgive an old Grampa.

Wrong blog!

Bows,

Alan

Y?

2011-05-30T12:31:00.000+01:00

TEN REASONS

Why do I do this thing that I am doing this very moment?

1. It's an ego trip at times.
2. It's a form of creativity (if you saw me draw you would be thankful I have chosen writing).
3. It is a spiritual practice.
4. It reveals things to me that I might not be aware of if I did not do this.
5. It's the trendy thing to do.
6. I've always liked to write, whether it's good or bad, it is good for me.
7. Sometimes I actually think I have something to say that is important.
8. I spend most of my day listening to others.
9. It is a great way to communicate.
10. It is a form of intimacy with this life I live.

Sorry but I have to add a #11

11. It is a form of solitude.

And again #12 (don't you like my flexibility?)

12. Just look at my other two blogs. Two other good reasons to say something (sometimes) that matters about this life.

Bows,
Alan

Living Eliot's "...in all of our exploring..."

2011-05-29T13:06:00.000+01:00

T.S. Eliot Quotes

"We shall not cease from exploration and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started... and know the place for the first time."

- T.S. Eliot

This quote has meant a lot to me for a long time but

even more so in my journey at present. I am, at

present, reading for the second time Father Richard Rohr's

book, FALLING UPWARD: A SPIRITUALITY FOR THE

TWO HALVES OF LIFE.

This is not just a book for Christians.

It is a book for anyone who takes life, the spiritual life, which is

this life, seriously.

I'm not doing a review here but for those of you who have not

encountered a wise approach to the Jewish and Christian

scriptures, this book is phenomenal. If I were going to use a

Buddhist description of what it is about I would say it reveals the

path to becoming a true Bodhisattva or a true human being

or to put it another way, a responsible adult.

It has been refreshing to explore some of my roots again

and to be able to "know" them for the first time, again.

Another wonderful finger pointing

to the moon!

Nine Bows to Father Richard,

Alan

Zazen vs Living

2011-05-22T21:56:00.000+01:00

Dosho Port over at Wild Fox Zen ask his readers a few days ago which is stronger. He phrased it zazen vs daily life.

So I'm sitting out on my deck with my wife this morning, doing my "daily life" of soaking up some

vitamin D.

The thought comes to me about my daily life and how my zazen has penetrated my mind in such a way that my daily life is different...at times.

So it comes to me that it is not a matter of which is stronger. It is a matter of when do the two become one?

Is that what it means to "actualize the fundamental point?"

Bows,

Alan

Reminding The Community

2011-05-15T14:51:00.001+01:00

I had the grand privilege of baptizing my first grandchild yesterday, Caroline Jo Coleman. She has my daughter's baptism dress on and a sweet little bonnet her uncle Jason and aunt Anne sent her. Jason and Anne could not be there because they are expecting our second grandchild any day now.

I think the thing that stood out for me most was my reminding all those present about the responsibility we have for her life, both physically and spiritually.

I invited family members to speak words to Caroline.
Four of her cousins. the oldest being twelve, shared quotes their mother had them memorize from Paul Foster ( teacher), Mother Teresa, Vincent Van Gough, and an African proverb. Grandparents, great grandparents, aunts and uncles all shared.
My words are shared on her personal blog post @ yourgrandpa.blogspot.com

Recognizing the community of love around her, I was reminded of the importance of knowing you have a place you belong , a community, a sangha, if you will, which is yours, where you experience love and guidance about the ways of this life.

A place to come home to when your world seems more than you can handle on your own. But also a place where you are reminded, if truth abides in that place, about the things that matter.

Some of us have this gift all our lives. Some of us have to go around the world to find it. Some never find it.
I'm in the habit of saying nothing is learned at birthday parties, mostly at funerals.

Caroline's baptism changed my thoughts on that matter.
There is much to be learned when celebrating the beginning of a new life and the celebrations of the birthdays to come.

The next time you are invited to a birthday party of a child in the family and you can go, DO IT!

Community happens through skillful means. Community happens with intention, not by mistake.

Why do we practice?
Look at that sentient being in the middle of this picture.

Nine Bows to my teacher, Caroline,

Grampa

Thanks Michael - Nice connection

2011-05-08T19:51:00.001+01:00

My brother-in-law contacted me today and sent me this song by the great Lynard Skynard band. He said this is the way we would stay connected today.

I thought that was cool.

Here it is in acoustic by Shinedown

Enjoy!

And thanks to YouTube.